Christmas EV

by Lee Hart

On the first day of driving my shiny new EV,
A fuse blew to the battery.

(I guess it's not big enough.)

On the second day of driving my shiny new EV,
Two melted posts,
And a blown fuse to the battery.

(Maybe a bigger fuse wasn't such a good idea.)

On the third day of driving my shiny new EV,
Three dead cells,
Two melted posts,
And a blown fuse to the battery.

(Now where did those wires used to go?)

On the fourth day of driving my shiny new EV,
Four swearing words,
Three dead cells,
Two melted posts,
And a blown fuse to the battery.

(Yow! That wasn't where they went!)

On the fifth day of driving my shiny new EV,
Five... miles... range!
Four swearing words,
Three dead cells,
Two melted posts,
And a blown fuse to the battery.

(Think I'll take out the spare tire and carry a bicycle).

On the sixth day of driving my shiny new EV,
Six cells a-spouting,
Five... miles... range!
Four swearing words,
Three dead cells,
Two melted posts,
and a blown fuse to the battery.

(Guess I didn't charge it enough).

On the seventh day of driving my shiny new EV,
Seven batteries boiling,
Six cells a-spouting,
Five... miles... range!
Four swearing words,
Three dead cells,
Two melted posts,
And a blown fuse to the battery!

(Nope -- that's too much charging).

On the eighth day of driving my shiny new EV,
Eight brake shoes dragging,
Seven batteries boiling,
Six cells a-spouting,
Five... miles... range!
Four swearing words,
Three dead cells,
Two melted posts,
And a blown fuse to the battery.

(No wonder I didn't need to use the parking brake).

On the ninth day of driving my shiny new EV,
Nine FETs a-frying,
Eight brake shoes dragging,
Seven batteries boiling,
Six cells a-spouting,
Five... miles... range!
Four swearing words,
Three dead cells,
Two melted posts,
And a blown fuse to the battery.

(I guess I shouldn't be driving in 5th gear all the time).

On the tenth day of driving my shiny new EV,
Ten kids a-leaping,
Nine FETs a-frying,
Eight brake shoes dragging,
Seven batteries boiling,
Six cells a-spouting,
Five... miles... range!
Four swearing words,
Three dead cells,
Two melted posts,
And a blown fuse to the battery.

(So that's what happens if I bypass the GFI. Hope their parents don't sue me!)

On the eleventh day of driving my shiny new EV,
Eleven hours charging,
Ten kids a-leaping,
Nine FETs a-frying,
Eight brake shoes dragging,
Seven batteries boiling,
Six cells a-spouting,
Five... miles... range!
Four swearing words,
Three dead cells,
Two melted posts,
And a blown fuse to the battery.

(I give up; guess I'll have to read the manual).

On the twelfth day of driving my shiny new EV,
I finally got it right; these things DIDN'T come to me...
Twelve volts a-sagging,
Eleven hours charging,
Ten kids a-leaping,
Nine FETs a-frying,
Eight brake shoes dragging,
Seven batteries boiling,
Six cells a-spouting,
Five... miles... range!
Four swearing words,
Three dead cells,
Two melted posts,
And a blown fuse to the battery.

(Hey, this thing really works after all!)

This a parody of the "Twelve Days of Christmas" song, with a little bit of Alan Sherman's version thrown in. It outlines some of the problems an enthusiastic but clueless EV hobbyist might face on his first attempt at an EV conversion.

Lee A. Hart